COMMUNICATION IN STI

How to Tell Your Partner if You Have an STI
There are two main situations in which one person might have to tell a partner that the first person has a sexually transmitted disease. The first person has an incurable STI (such as HIV, herpes, or HPV) and needs to tell a new partner before engaging in any sexual behavior. One of the two people finds out that he or she has an STD (curable or incurable) during an existing relationship. In both of these situations, it can be frightening to tell a partner for the fear of rejection. or even where when would feel betrayed However, finding the best way to communicate this information to a partner may help the partner be more understanding, no matter how he or she finally reacts to it.

Telling a new partner about an incurable STD:
Living with a sexually transmitted disease is not easy. Since there is a stigma in our society (of being dirty or sexually promiscuous) that is associated with having an STI, many individuals who have an STI fear rejection by new partners. Yet it is still very important that you share this information with a old/new partner.

Finding a good location where you and your potential partner can talk is important in starting the conversation. Be honest in telling him or her about your STI and in how you believe to have contracted it. Also sharing information about the specific STI that you have may help him or her feel more informed and comfortable. Explain how it is transmitted, and what the symptoms are like for you individually.

Try to be understanding of your partner's initial reaction: It could be shock, confusion and not knowing how to react. If your partner needs time to think about the situation, be willing to give the time, do not expect anyone to be immediately accepting of this information. Also do not be quick to jump to the conclusion that they are planning to reject you just because they do not accept you with your STI right away (even though this of course is a possibility).

Forming a strong friendship with your partner may help him or her see past your STI and decide to be with you. If your partner decides to accept the STI and if you choose to engage in sexual activities you both should try to find out information about ways to have safe sex so your partner does not contract the disease.

Finding out you have an STD in an existing relationship and telling your partner:
Finding out you have an STD can be very frightening and confusing when you are currently in what you thought was a monogamous relationship. Some people allow their fear to turn into anger and accuse their partner of cheating and giving them STI.

Blaming your partner does not help you gain anything; instead you should focus on you and your partner getting proper medical care. Also keep in mind that some STI`s may lack symptoms (such as HIV and chlamydia), so you or your partner may have contracted it before entering your current relationship. In telling your partner about the STI be honest and straight forward about how you discovered you had the STI and the need for your partner to obtain a medical evaluation.

Remembering to control for nonverbal cues, try to be sensitive to how they might react. Keep in mind some of your initial thoughts and reactions when you discovered you had the STI. Your partner may react with anger or resentment. Try not to become defensive and listen to your partner's feeling: These are the best ways to deal with this situation. Before resuming any sexual activity make sure that you are both properly treated for the STI and have completed the entire of medication (if it is curable) and are clear of the infection. By communicating to your partner honestly and clearly you may be able to deal with and overcome a problematic situation.

Real life situation:
Jaya had been seeing Shekhar for about a month and could tell that they both cared for each other a lot. For a while she had been shying away from any type of sexual encounter because she knew she would have to tell him that she had genital warts and carried the human papillomavirus (HPV), which could infect him if they did any sort of risky sexual behavior.Jaya feared that the great friendship that they had formed and the romantic feelings that they shared would all end with rejection because she had an STI. Shekhar and jaya would talk about sex in general, their sexual histories, and even STI`s, yet jaya still was too scared to tell Shekhar about her own STI. After time Shekhar started to sense from jaya's nonverbal cues that there was something that jaya was hiding from him. Jaya knew that she could no longer hide her secret from Shekhar and finally at her home sat down with Shekhar and told him about her situation. Shekhar was initially a little shocked, but knew that whatever Jaya had been hiding from him was important, so he had expected something big and was able to show Jaya that he understood her situation. For the rest of the conversation he let Jaya speak about how she contracted HPV and provided support by attentively listening to what she had to say and rubbing her arm to show compassion. Shekhar and jaya were able to move past Jaya's STI and continue their relationship while being careful to use protection when engaging in any sort of sexual behavior.

Assessing Shekhar and Jaya`s situation:
Jaya and Shekhar were lucky. Things do no always go right when discussing STIs. Shekhar might have gotten very upset when feeling that Jaya was hiding something from him. He might have reacted negatively when she explained her STI. Hopefully when talking about an STI with a partner, you should begin with an open and honest discussion of the topic since openness and honesty are often highly respected by others, Shekhar did attentively listen to Jaya and use correct nonverbal cues to show that he cared and understood what Jaya was telling him.

How to Ask Your Partner to Get Tested For STIs:
Asking your partner to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases is a very sensitive subject. Many individuals may take this request the wrong way and assume that you think they are dirty or sleep around a lot. By clearly communicating your reasons for wanting to get tested, and getting tested with your partner, you can demonstrate to your partner that you are looking out for both of your safety. One of the best times to discuss getting STI tests is right after sharing your sexual histories with each other. After sharing your past with your partner, you may want to explain that in order to make sure that you are both safe, maybe you should get tested together. Offer to get tested yourself, no matter how many sexual partners you have had in the past (even if you have been tested recently), because this shows your partner that you are also looking out for his or her well-being. This may also help your partner to see that you do not believe that only people who are dirty or sleep around too much need to get STI tests. It is important to remember that it takes up to six months for signs of some STI`s to appear (such as HIV), thus the tests may not be fully accurate if either of you have not been abstaining from sex for at least six months. This also means that you and your new partner should use a condom or not engage in sexual behaviors that put you at risk for STI`s until you are both able to get tested and find out that you are both clear of STI`s.

Real ways that individuals have asked their partners to get tested for STI`s:
I informed my new boyfriend that I have this policy about when I date guys. Before I take any sexual risks we both wait until six months after our last sexual encounter and get tested together so that we are safe. I try and make sure that my partner knows that I am not trying to convey that I think he is dirty, or anything I am just ensuring that we are being safe. It also helps that I tell him this is what I do with every potential partner, this way he feels that I am not singling him out. - Sudha

When I asked my girlfriend to get tested for an STI, I actually offered to get tested first myself. I thought that if I told her that I wanted to get tested so that we could be sure that we are safe, she would feel more comfortable when I asked her to come with me and suggested we both get tested together. She did not take it offensively and seemed happy to know that I cared about her safety not only my own. - Vijay